I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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