When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
