Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
