I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
