I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
