Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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