well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
