Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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