singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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