He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
