he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
