Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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