saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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