It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
