i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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