Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
