I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
