i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
