OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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