That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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