I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
