A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
