i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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