I just saw a hot homeless man
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
