i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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