I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize