i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
