she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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