$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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