You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she smelled like a LAN party
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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