plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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