i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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