i don't plan on having that self control this summer
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
