I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
