I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think my vagina is haunted
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
