you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize