the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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