he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
