Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
