would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
