why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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