Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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