WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
