I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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