you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So vagazzling was a success
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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