Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
