I will die if light touches me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
