So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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