Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
