what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
