if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
