and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
