tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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