We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
