I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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