I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
