Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
