So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
