I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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