would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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