The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
