Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
