glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
