11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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