so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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