you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
