Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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