I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
