I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
