They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
